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Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.
Bill Maher
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Bill Maher
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: January 20
Actor
Comedian
Film Producer
Journalist
Screenwriter
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Writer
New York City
New York
William Maher Jr.
William Maher
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Show
White
House
Left
Shows
Clinton
Comedy
More quotes by Bill Maher
Paul Revere was warning the British about gun control, and George Washington apparently was crossing the Delaware to bomb an abortion clinic.
Bill Maher
I don't say that I'm an atheist. I don't like that term, because I think it mirrors the certitude of religion. I say I don't know. And if you don't know - and you don't - just man up and say you don't know. Don't turn to silly stories and ancient myths.
Bill Maher
I always say to my religious friends, if a pool had even one turd in it, would you jump in?
Bill Maher
If conservatives don't want to be seen as bitter people who cling to their guns and religion and anti-immigrant sentiments, they should stop being bitter and clinging to their guns, religion and anti-immigrant sentiments.
Bill Maher
I'd just like to know what a cop WOULD have to do to get indicted - and what good are cop cameras since Eric Garner IS on tape?
Bill Maher
We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It's overrun with sheep and conformists.
Bill Maher
Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass, and it translate to beef with broccoli. The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
Bill Maher
March Madnesss...the only place where you hear 'Kansas is advancing.'
Bill Maher
Republicans stand by their convictions. Stupid, ignorant, world-destroying convictions based on disproven economic fantasies and ancient books full of primitive morality and magic people. But convictions, nonetheless.
Bill Maher
I know climate change is a hoax – of course – but places that have never seen this type of winter weather got hit by it. More than a half a million southerners have been left in the dark --- and then the storm hit.
Bill Maher
In ten Muslim countries you can get the death penalty just for being gay. If they were chopping the heads off of gay people in the Vatican, wouldn't there be a greater outcry among liberals?
Bill Maher
A new biography came out that says that in high school Obama was a huge pothead … Mitt Romney had to respond to this and said, ‘It is appalling that Obama spent his teenage years goofing around and smoking pot when he should have been pinning down gay kids and cutting their hair.
Bill Maher
It's very hard not to be condescending when you're explaining something to an idiot.
Bill Maher
To give you an idea how slowly we are leaving Afghanistan, Afghans don't refer to us anymore as 'infidel crusaders.' They refer to us as 'Irish relatives.'
Bill Maher
Ted Cruz, of course, was furious that the big storm back east shut down the government. He said, 'That my job!' But you know, there is a big difference between Ted Cruz and snow. Both are white and everyone’s sick of them – but eventually snow goes away.
Bill Maher
Don't say a woman is crazy just because she runs away from her wedding.
Bill Maher
Disneyland's a mess. And it's not just the measles. Donald Duck has bird flu. Pocahontas has small pox. The Little Mermaid has crabs. And the Monorail? Mono.
Bill Maher
All I'm saying, as a fan, is I'm tired of the same song for 30 years. Can't we change the message a little? You've arrived. You have a black president. Every white guy in a commercial doesn't have to be the idiot and every black guy in a rap song doesn't have to be God's gift to the world.
Bill Maher
In Republican fantasy world, everything is always Obama's fault. Somehow, he's weak and he's ineffective, and yet he pulls the strings on everything in the world.
Bill Maher
Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn't know a game is going on?
Bill Maher