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I can't believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.

Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Commercials
Followed
Anti
Drugs
Drug
War
Long
Believe
Bud

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I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.' Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?
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Laughter makes the bitter swallowing of truth, for some, a little easier.
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What does an atheist scream when they come?
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I don't identify with anyone historically, but there are several people in the future who I am a dead ringer for.
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Smoking may cause fetal injury or premature birth. ... I found my brand. Just don't get the ones that say, Lung Cancer.
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We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?
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But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It's no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out your ass.
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Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! ... That's the story of Jesus.
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If I thought the Jews killed God, I'd worship the Jews.
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What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis not the young, cool guy, always the bloated fool.
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Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.
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I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you'll find in this world.
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I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.
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Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.
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That's what I'm gonna do: quit gradually...I'm gonna lose one lung little while later I'm gonna lose the other one.
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The puppet on the right shares my beliefs, the puppet on the left is more to my liking. Hey...there's one guy holding up both!
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The waitress comes over to me like, 'What'chu readin' for?' I had never been asked that. Not 'What am I reading?' but 'What am I reading for?' Goddammit, you stumped me. Hmm, why do I read? I suppose I read for a lot of reasons, one of the main ones being so I don't end up being a... waffle waitress.
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This is the idea that has made me...an anonymous figure in America...If you have children here tonight...they are NOT special.
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Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that's why you giggle the first hour.
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Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. I believe God created me in one day. Yeah, looks like he rushed it.
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