Quote

It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer's pussy.

Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Every
Smoking
Good
Shut
Moistened
Like
Jesus
Claudia
Looks
Pussy
Right
Rolled
Hard
Cigarette
Real
Quit
Made
Quitting

More quotes by Bill Hicks

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And I'm not getting laid! What am I doing wrong?
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People tell me, 'Bill, let it go. The Kennedy assassination was years ago. It was just the assassination of a President and the hijacking of our government by a totalitarian regime - who cares? Just let it go.' I say, 'All right then. That whole Jesus thing? Let it go! It was 2,000 years ago! Who cares?'
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When you're...stepping over a guy on the sidewalk...does it ever occur to you to think, 'Wow. Maybe our system doesn't work?'
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Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.
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'Where's Bill going?' He's going to comedy death. Boom! He pops out of it with another joke. It's my particular style.
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Will there be titty? Sure. Boom! I'm a producer. Where you been all our life, boy? We been lookin for you in Hollywood.
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Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts...Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.
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You're not a human till you're in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.
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This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions. A world where greed is our God and wisdom is sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego-driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart.
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...love rather than fear...this radical philosophy is coming from me, an avowed misanthrope...surely there is hope for us all.
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All day long you see those commercials: 'Here's Your Brain, Just Say No'...and the next commercial is: 'This Bud's For You.'
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To me pornography is...spending all your money and not educating the people in America, but spending it instead on weapons.
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Yesterday, some hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shaftesbury.
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I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego.
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You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. I believe God created me in one day. Yeah, looks like He rushed it
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Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining.
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Sixteen years I've pounded my head against the mentality of America, which...I'd say it's about an 8th grade emotional level.
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I don't identify with anyone historically, but there are several people in the future who I am a dead ringer for.
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I've said all that I've had to say.
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I don't get along with anything, I really don't...I'm, I'm, maybe I'm just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being.
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