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It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer's pussy.
Bill Hicks
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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Like
Jesus
Claudia
Looks
Pussy
Right
Rolled
Hard
Cigarette
Real
Quit
Made
Quitting
Every
Smoking
Good
Shut
Moistened
More quotes by Bill Hicks
What before seemed a...frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all.
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Go back to bed America, your government is in control again. Go back to bed America... you are free to do as we tell you... you are free to do as we tell you.
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It's my object to be stared at like a dog that's just been shown a card trick.
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When you're...stepping over a guy on the sidewalk...does it ever occur to you to think, 'Wow. Maybe our system doesn't work?'
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Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.
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Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.
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It seems to me that there will be a point in out development or our evolution where you put your guns aside.
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If I thought the Jews killed God, I'd worship the Jews.
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People often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.
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'Where's Bill going?' He's going to comedy death. Boom! He pops out of it with another joke. It's my particular style.
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We are losing the 'War on Drugs,' which means there's a war going on and people on drugs are winning it.
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I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f-kin' mouth.
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Be yourself on stage. Nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered.
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It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.
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Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.
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That's what I'm gonna do: quit gradually...I'm gonna lose one lung little while later I'm gonna lose the other one.
Bill Hicks
I find it ironic that people who are against things that cause sexual thoughts are generally fundamentalist Christians who also believe you should be fruitful and multiply.
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Pot is a better drug than alcohol. I'll prove it to you. You're at a ball game or a concert, and someone's really violent and agressive and obnoxious, are they drunk or are they smoking pot?
Bill Hicks
Will there be titty? Sure. Boom! I'm a producer. Where you been all our life, boy? We been lookin for you in Hollywood.
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Surgeon General's warning ought to read: Smoking has been determined t0 cause cancer, heart disease & rednecks with seniority.
Bill Hicks