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Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags.

Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Sticks
Eye
Find
Fags
Great
Nicotine
Patches
Cigarette
Smoking
Stick

More quotes by Bill Hicks

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Courtroom for Ted Bundy's trial is packed with women, trying to meet him and give him love letters and wedding-fucking-proposals...and the first thought that enters my mind is, And I'm not getting laid. What am I doing wrong?
Bill Hicks
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I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side.
Bill Hicks
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I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f-kin' mouth.
Bill Hicks
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So scary watching the news...Like Iraq...could ever under any stretch of the imagination be any threat to us whatsoever.
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Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.
Bill Hicks
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If I thought the Jews killed God, I'd worship the Jews.
Bill Hicks
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The world's like a ride in a fairground & when you choose to go on it you think it's real, that's how powerful our minds are
Bill Hicks
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Mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, Mister.
Bill Hicks
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...love rather than fear...this radical philosophy is coming from me, an avowed misanthrope...surely there is hope for us all.
Bill Hicks
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I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind's sole purpose on this planet.
Bill Hicks
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To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a big mistake.
Bill Hicks
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All governments are lying cocksuckers.
Bill Hicks
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They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer
Bill Hicks
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Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.
Bill Hicks
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You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. I believe God created me in one day. Yeah, looks like He rushed it
Bill Hicks
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This is the idea that has made me...an anonymous figure in America...If you have children here tonight...they are NOT special.
Bill Hicks
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Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts...Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.
Bill Hicks
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People tell me, 'Bill, let it go. The Kennedy assassination was years ago. It was just the assassination of a President and the hijacking of our government by a totalitarian regime - who cares? Just let it go.' I say, 'All right then. That whole Jesus thing? Let it go! It was 2,000 years ago! Who cares?'
Bill Hicks
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I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.
Bill Hicks
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Okay, I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready?
Bill Hicks