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Courtroom for Ted Bundy's trial is packed with women, trying to meet him and give him love letters and wedding-fucking-proposals...and the first thought that enters my mind is, And I'm not getting laid. What am I doing wrong?

Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
First
Kings
Packed
Giving
Meet
Enters
Trying
Getting
Proposal
Mind
Wrong
Trial
Love
Thought
Wedding
Fucking
Give
Laid
Bundy
Women
Trials
Proposals
Firsts
Letters
Courtroom

More quotes by Bill Hicks

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Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining.
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Go back to bed America, your government is in control again. Go back to bed America... you are free to do as we tell you... you are free to do as we tell you.
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I'm just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth.
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Right foot, left foot, hemorrhage.
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This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions. A world where greed is our God and wisdom is sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego-driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart.
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You are the imagination of yourself.
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Music is a great energizer. It's a language everybody knows.
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People say to me, Hey, Bill, the war made us feel better about ourselves. Really? What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves? May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps... sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?
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We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?
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Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.
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We are losing the 'War on Drugs,' which means there's a war going on and people on drugs are winning it.
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The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people's minds, exposing them to the light.
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I hate patriotism... I can't stand it. It's a round world last time I checked.
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And I'm not getting laid! What am I doing wrong?
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I am a misanthropic humanist... Do I like people? They're great, IN THEORY.
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I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.
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So scary watching the news...Like Iraq...could ever under any stretch of the imagination be any threat to us whatsoever.
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Will there be titty? Sure. Boom! I'm a producer. Where you been all our life, boy? We been lookin for you in Hollywood.
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I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind's sole purpose on this planet.
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But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It's no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out your ass.
Bill Hicks