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Courtroom for Ted Bundy's trial is packed with women, trying to meet him and give him love letters and wedding-fucking-proposals...and the first thought that enters my mind is, And I'm not getting laid. What am I doing wrong?

Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
First
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Packed
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Enters
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Mind
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Bundy
Women
Trials
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Firsts
Letters
Courtroom

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Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! ... That's the story of Jesus.
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I've had good times on drugs...bad times on drugs...But I've had good and bad relationships...and I'm not giving up pussy.
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I don't care if you're obscene, filthy, horrendous -- as long as you're honest.
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Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.
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I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.
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There is a 3rd point of view on the gun control issue - those who I refer to as THE VICTIMS - but they remain strangely silent.
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'Where's Bill going?' He's going to comedy death. Boom! He pops out of it with another joke. It's my particular style.
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We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.
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You ever notice that everyone who believes in creationism looks really un-evolved?
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Sometimes you feel in control, and it's great, but sometimes you just don't feel in control and you really have to struggle to get laughs.
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When you're...stepping over a guy on the sidewalk...does it ever occur to you to think, 'Wow. Maybe our system doesn't work?'
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No one knows what it's like ... to be a dustbin ... in Shaftesbury ... with hooligans.
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People tell me, 'Bill, let it go. The Kennedy assassination was years ago. It was just the assassination of a President and the hijacking of our government by a totalitarian regime - who cares? Just let it go.' I say, 'All right then. That whole Jesus thing? Let it go! It was 2,000 years ago! Who cares?'
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It's my object to be stared at like a dog that's just been shown a card trick.
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I am available for children's parties, by the way.
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I don't do drugs anymore... than, say, the average touring funk band.
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What does an atheist scream when they come?
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Okay, I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready?
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While I've found many of the religious shows I've viewed over the years not to be to my liking, or in line with my own beliefs, I've never considered it my place to exert any greater type of censorship than changing the channel, or better yet - turning off the TV completely.
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Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves...After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do.
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