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And I'm not getting laid! What am I doing wrong?

Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Getting
Wrong
Laid

More quotes by Bill Hicks

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I'm just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth.
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People in the U.K. share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself. They have a sense of irony, which America doesn't have, seeing as it's being run by fundamentalists who take things literally.
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That's what I'm gonna do: quit gradually...I'm gonna lose one lung little while later I'm gonna lose the other one.
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People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself.
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Oh--won't we party hard when L.A. goes kersplash?...L.A. fell in the ocean?... There is a God. He loves us all so much.
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Are gun rights advocates arguing that roving gangs...shooting innocent bystanders constitutes a 'well-regulated militia'?
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If ur going to have a war on drugs, have them against ALL drugs, including alcohol, the number one offender.
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No one can give you any answers. There aren't any. You have to discover for yourself-you must learn to navigate the mystery.
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Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags.
Bill Hicks
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I saw a sign on the side of the road in Tennessee once that said 'dirt for sale'... what a great country we live in. DIRT for sale. How would you like to get inside that guy's mind and look around for a hour? That guy sees opportunity at every glance, doesn't he?
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I'm tired of this back-slappin' isn't humanity neat bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.
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When you're...stepping over a guy on the sidewalk...does it ever occur to you to think, 'Wow. Maybe our system doesn't work?'
Bill Hicks
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What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?
Bill Hicks
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I love talking about the Kennedy assassination. The reason I do is because I'm fascinated by it. I'm fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it.
Bill Hicks
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Right foot, left foot, hemorrhage.
Bill Hicks
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Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
Bill Hicks
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We are losing the 'War on Drugs,' which means there's a war going on and people on drugs are winning it.
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Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. I believe God created me in one day. Yeah, looks like he rushed it.
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I'm very tired of staring out into your vacant faces looking back at me. Wanting to fill your empty lives with humor you couldn't possibly think of yourself... Good evening!
Bill Hicks
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Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining.
Bill Hicks