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And I'm not getting laid! What am I doing wrong?

Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Getting
Wrong
Laid

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I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.
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I'm an American who loves an America which doesn't exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas.
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We killed 6 innocent people, launching 22, I think $3 million apiece missiles on Baghdad...that's a little bit overdoing it.
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If I thought the Jews killed God, I'd worship the Jews.
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I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind's sole purpose on this planet.
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What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?
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This is the idea that has made me...an anonymous figure in America...If you have children here tonight...they are NOT special.
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I was just down in Dallas, Texas...the Assassination Museum...it's really accurate, you know, 'cause Oswald's not in it.
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How about a positive LSD story? Wouldn't that be news-worthy, just the once? To base your decision on information rather than scare tactics and superstition and lies? I think it would be news-worthy.
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All governments are lying cocksuckers.
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I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego.
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Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves...After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do.
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It seems to me that there will be a point in out development or our evolution where you put your guns aside.
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I'm very tired of staring out into your vacant faces looking back at me. Wanting to fill your empty lives with humor you couldn't possibly think of yourself... Good evening!
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When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
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I am a misanthropic humanist... Do I like people? They're great, IN THEORY.
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Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.
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I don't get along with anything, I really don't...I'm, I'm, maybe I'm just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being.
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I'll tell you how to solve this abortion thing...Those unwanted babies...? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps.
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Oh my God. Lift me up out of this illusion, Lord. Heal my perception that I might know only reality and only you.
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