Quote

And I'm not getting laid! What am I doing wrong?

Bill Hicks

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Laid
Getting
Wrong

More quotes by Bill Hicks

Image
I've said all that I've had to say.
Bill Hicks
Image
We are losing the 'War on Drugs,' which means there's a war going on and people on drugs are winning it.
Bill Hicks
Image
Folks, it's time to evolve. That's why we're troubled. You know why our institutions are failing us, the church, the state, everything's failing? It's because, um - they're no longer relevant. We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?
Bill Hicks
Image
I guess what surprised me the most was the discrepancy in casualties: Iraq, one hundred fifty thousand casualties, USA: seventy-nine! Let's go over those numbers again, they're a little baffling at first: Iraq: 150,000, USA: 79. Does that mean we could have won with only 80 guys there? Just one guy in a ticker-tape parade, I did it! Hey!
Bill Hicks
Image
It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.
Bill Hicks
Image
We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?
Bill Hicks
Image
Right foot, left foot, hemorrhage.
Bill Hicks
Image
I'm tired of this back-slappin' isn't humanity neat bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.
Bill Hicks
Image
I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman...come in the guise of a comic...to heal perception by using...'jokes'.
Bill Hicks
Image
The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people's minds, exposing them to the light.
Bill Hicks
Image
No one can give you any answers. There aren't any. You have to discover for yourself-you must learn to navigate the mystery.
Bill Hicks
Image
Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.
Bill Hicks
Image
Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining.
Bill Hicks
Image
Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags.
Bill Hicks
Image
It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer's pussy.
Bill Hicks
Image
Be yourself on stage. Nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered.
Bill Hicks
Image
To me pornography is...spending all your money and not educating the people in America, but spending it instead on weapons.
Bill Hicks
Image
Mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, Mister.
Bill Hicks
Image
Pot is a better drug than alcohol. I'll prove it to you. You're at a ball game or a concert, and someone's really violent and agressive and obnoxious, are they drunk or are they smoking pot?
Bill Hicks
Image
In the beginning God created the heavans and the earth... see you at the final.
Bill Hicks