Quote

Mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, Mister.

Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Kids
Rocks
Hard
Goes
Even
Week
Mister
Trouble
Rolls
Wife
Downtown
Came
Candy
Looking
Ten
Stuff
Rock

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I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.' Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?
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How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? ...Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?
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People often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.
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I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.
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Oh my God. Lift me up out of this illusion, Lord. Heal my perception that I might know only reality and only you.
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While I've found many of the religious shows I've viewed over the years not to be to my liking, or in line with my own beliefs, I've never considered it my place to exert any greater type of censorship than changing the channel, or better yet - turning off the TV completely.
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Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.
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I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.
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I was just down in Dallas, Texas...the Assassination Museum...it's really accurate, you know, 'cause Oswald's not in it.
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Okay, I got one word to ask you, a one word question, ready?
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Are gun rights advocates arguing that roving gangs...shooting innocent bystanders constitutes a 'well-regulated militia'?
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You're not a human till you're in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.
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Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
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How do I know the Bible isn't the word of God? Well if it was the word of God it would be clear and easy to understand...considering God was the creator of LANGUAGE!
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I am a misanthropic humanist... Do I like people? They're great, IN THEORY.
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It's my object to be stared at like a dog that's just been shown a card trick.
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It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.
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How about a positive LSD story? Wouldn't that be news-worthy, just the once? To base your decision on information rather than scare tactics and superstition and lies? I think it would be news-worthy.
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Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.
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We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.
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