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Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! ... That's the story of Jesus.

Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Sock
Woke
Lincoln
Story
Jesus
Stories
Mummy
Today
Drawer
Drawers

More quotes by Bill Hicks

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Billy Ray Cyrus does not smoke. Michael Bolton doesn't...Paula Abdul doesn't...there does seem to be a pattern.
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...love rather than fear...this radical philosophy is coming from me, an avowed misanthrope...surely there is hope for us all.
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I'm very tired of staring out into your vacant faces looking back at me. Wanting to fill your empty lives with humor you couldn't possibly think of yourself... Good evening!
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Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.
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Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags.
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When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
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In the beginning God created the heavans and the earth... see you at the final.
Bill Hicks
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Marijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let's put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal.
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All governments are lying cocksuckers.
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What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
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I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.
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No one knows what it's like ... to be a dustbin ... in Shaftesbury ... with hooligans.
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I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.' Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?
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I go to dance clubs...about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going 'God, what idiots!'
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Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves...After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do.
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The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions
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I'm tired of this back-slappin' isn't humanity neat bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.
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Sixteen years I've pounded my head against the mentality of America, which...I'd say it's about an 8th grade emotional level.
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Oh--won't we party hard when L.A. goes kersplash?...L.A. fell in the ocean?... There is a God. He loves us all so much.
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Music is a great energizer. It's a language everybody knows.
Bill Hicks