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Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! ... That's the story of Jesus.

Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Sock
Woke
Lincoln
Story
Jesus
Stories
Mummy
Today
Drawer
Drawers

More quotes by Bill Hicks

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I can't believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.
Bill Hicks
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The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people's minds, exposing them to the light.
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Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.
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not all drugs are good.. some of them are great
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The Voice of Reason is in us all...and everyone can recognize it because it makes sense and everyone benefits from it equally.
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All governments are lying cocksuckers.
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What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?
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I'm just skin covering coffee and some real nervous teeth.
Bill Hicks
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What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
Bill Hicks
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Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one.
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You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That's like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.
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You ever notice that everyone who believes in creationism looks really un-evolved?
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I don't get along with anything, I really don't...I'm, I'm, maybe I'm just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being.
Bill Hicks
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I am a misanthropic humanist... Do I like people? They're great, IN THEORY.
Bill Hicks
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I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego.
Bill Hicks
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What does an atheist scream when they come?
Bill Hicks
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What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn't it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, It's gonna be worth it!.
Bill Hicks
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We are losing the 'War on Drugs,' which means there's a war going on and people on drugs are winning it.
Bill Hicks
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Sometimes you feel in control, and it's great, but sometimes you just don't feel in control and you really have to struggle to get laughs.
Bill Hicks
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I find it ironic that people who are against things that cause sexual thoughts are generally fundamentalist Christians who also believe you should be fruitful and multiply.
Bill Hicks