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Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! ... That's the story of Jesus.

Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Woke
Lincoln
Story
Jesus
Stories
Mummy
Today
Drawer
Drawers
Sock

More quotes by Bill Hicks

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It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer's pussy.
Bill Hicks
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No one can give you any answers. There aren't any. You have to discover for yourself-you must learn to navigate the mystery.
Bill Hicks
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I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your f-kin' mouth.
Bill Hicks
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It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.
Bill Hicks
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While I've found many of the religious shows I've viewed over the years not to be to my liking, or in line with my own beliefs, I've never considered it my place to exert any greater type of censorship than changing the channel, or better yet - turning off the TV completely.
Bill Hicks
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It's an insane world, and I'm proud to be a part of it.
Bill Hicks
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[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is...thinking, 'This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.'
Bill Hicks
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What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?
Bill Hicks
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I don't do drugs anymore... than, say, the average touring funk band.
Bill Hicks
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I'm tired of this back-slappin' isn't humanity neat bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.
Bill Hicks
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I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.
Bill Hicks
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not all drugs are good.. some of them are great
Bill Hicks
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It has become more and more obvious that there is one political party in America, and that is The Business Party.
Bill Hicks
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Surgeon General's warning ought to read: Smoking has been determined t0 cause cancer, heart disease & rednecks with seniority.
Bill Hicks
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I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift.
Bill Hicks
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What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
Bill Hicks
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In the beginning God created the heavans and the earth... see you at the final.
Bill Hicks
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Go back to bed America, your government is in control again. Go back to bed America... you are free to do as we tell you... you are free to do as we tell you.
Bill Hicks
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And I'm not getting laid! What am I doing wrong?
Bill Hicks
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People tell me, 'Bill, let it go. The Kennedy assassination was years ago. It was just the assassination of a President and the hijacking of our government by a totalitarian regime - who cares? Just let it go.' I say, 'All right then. That whole Jesus thing? Let it go! It was 2,000 years ago! Who cares?'
Bill Hicks