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Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.
Bill Hicks
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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
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Might
Would
Aliens
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Please
More quotes by Bill Hicks
And I'm not getting laid! What am I doing wrong?
Bill Hicks
Surgeon General's warning ought to read: Smoking has been determined t0 cause cancer, heart disease & rednecks with seniority.
Bill Hicks
Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally on our planet, serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying that God made a mistake.
Bill Hicks
Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that's why you giggle the first hour.
Bill Hicks
I'm an American who loves an America which doesn't exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas.
Bill Hicks
I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side.
Bill Hicks
I was just down in Dallas, Texas...the Assassination Museum...it's really accurate, you know, 'cause Oswald's not in it.
Bill Hicks
But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It's no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out your ass.
Bill Hicks
In the beginning God created the heavans and the earth... see you at the final.
Bill Hicks
I was always 'awake'...Some part of me clamoring for NEW insights and NEW ways to make the world a better place.
Bill Hicks
This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions. A world where greed is our God and wisdom is sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego-driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart.
Bill Hicks
When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
Bill Hicks
We killed 6 innocent people, launching 22, I think $3 million apiece missiles on Baghdad...that's a little bit overdoing it.
Bill Hicks
I'm tired of this back-slappin' isn't humanity neat bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.
Bill Hicks
It's hard to have a relationship in this business...it's gonna take a very special woman...or a bunch of average ones.
Bill Hicks
All day long you see those commercials: 'Here's Your Brain, Just Say No'...and the next commercial is: 'This Bud's For You.'
Bill Hicks
[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is...thinking, 'This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.'
Bill Hicks
You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That's like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.
Bill Hicks
It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer's pussy.
Bill Hicks
If ur going to have a war on drugs, have them against ALL drugs, including alcohol, the number one offender.
Bill Hicks
