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Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.
Bill Hicks
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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Aliens
Pick
Picks
Please
Land
Might
Would
More quotes by Bill Hicks
I'm an American who loves an America which doesn't exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas.
Bill Hicks
It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer's pussy.
Bill Hicks
We are losing the 'War on Drugs,' which means there's a war going on and people on drugs are winning it.
Bill Hicks
I'll tell you how to solve this abortion thing...Those unwanted babies...? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps.
Bill Hicks
People are bringing SHOTGUNS to UFO sightings...brings a whole new meaning to that phrase 'You ain't from around here, ar'ya?'
Bill Hicks
It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.
Bill Hicks
I can't believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.
Bill Hicks
They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer
Bill Hicks
When you're...stepping over a guy on the sidewalk...does it ever occur to you to think, 'Wow. Maybe our system doesn't work?'
Bill Hicks
We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?
Bill Hicks
I don't get along with anything, I really don't...I'm, I'm, maybe I'm just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being.
Bill Hicks
We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.
Bill Hicks
That's what I'm gonna do: quit gradually...I'm gonna lose one lung little while later I'm gonna lose the other one.
Bill Hicks
I am available for children's parties, by the way.
Bill Hicks
Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags.
Bill Hicks
I was a weekend drinker...I'd start on Saturday, end on Friday...thought I was controlling it...but I don't drink any more.
Bill Hicks
[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is...thinking, 'This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.'
Bill Hicks
What does an atheist scream when they come?
Bill Hicks
How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? ...Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?
Bill Hicks
Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
Bill Hicks
