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What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis not the young, cool guy, always the bloated fool.

Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Strikes
Cool
Fool
Choose
Guy
Impersonators
Funny
Bloated
Young
Elvis
Always
Vegas

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I can't believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.
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Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.
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I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York... Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye, you lizard scum! Bye!
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To me pornography is...spending all your money and not educating the people in America, but spending it instead on weapons.
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Don't worry don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.
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Mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, Mister.
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How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? ...Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?
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What before seemed a...frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all.
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I am a misanthropic humanist... Do I like people? They're great, IN THEORY.
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I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.
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I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.
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You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That's like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.
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I love talking about the Kennedy assassination. The reason I do is because I'm fascinated by it. I'm fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it.
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You ever notice that everyone who believes in creationism looks really un-evolved?
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Sometimes you feel in control, and it's great, but sometimes you just don't feel in control and you really have to struggle to get laughs.
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Will there be titty? Sure. Boom! I'm a producer. Where you been all our life, boy? We been lookin for you in Hollywood.
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People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself.
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Go back to bed America, your government is in control again. Go back to bed America... you are free to do as we tell you... you are free to do as we tell you.
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Our next Cold War ought to be with ourselves...After all, who poses the biggest danger to the American environment? We do.
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I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego.
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