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Surgeon General's warning ought to read: Smoking has been determined t0 cause cancer, heart disease & rednecks with seniority.

Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Ought
Redneck
Causes
Warning
Read
Smoking
Heart
Cancer
Determined
Rednecks
Disease
Seniority
General
Surgeon
Cause
Surgeons

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I'm tired of this back-slappin' isn't humanity neat bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.
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People say to me, Hey, Bill, the war made us feel better about ourselves. Really? What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves? May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps... sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?
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Marijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let's put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal.
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It's not a war on drugs, it's a war on personal freedom.
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....All drugs should be legal. War is wrong. The rich get richer. The poor get poorer. Thank you. I'll be here all week.
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I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself - to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.
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I've said all that I've had to say.
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People are bringing SHOTGUNS to UFO sightings...brings a whole new meaning to that phrase 'You ain't from around here, ar'ya?'
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What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?
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Oh--won't we party hard when L.A. goes kersplash?...L.A. fell in the ocean?... There is a God. He loves us all so much.
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Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.
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The puppet on the right shares my beliefs, the puppet on the left is more to my liking. Hey...there's one guy holding up both!
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The Voice of Reason is in us all...and everyone can recognize it because it makes sense and everyone benefits from it equally.
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It's you people dying from nothing that are screwed. I got all sorts of neat gadgets waiting for me...oxygen tent, iron lung.
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We killed 6 innocent people, launching 22, I think $3 million apiece missiles on Baghdad...that's a little bit overdoing it.
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I go to dance clubs...about once a year just to justify the other 364 days I spend in my apartment going 'God, what idiots!'
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Laughter makes the bitter swallowing of truth, for some, a little easier.
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I believe the cost of life is Death and we will all pay that in full. Everything else should be a gift.
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How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? ...Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?
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Would you let the aliens land, please? They might be here to pick me up.
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