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I was just down in Dallas, Texas...the Assassination Museum...it's really accurate, you know, 'cause Oswald's not in it.

Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Accurate
Texas
Cause
Causes
Oswald
Really
Dallas
Assassination
Museum
Museums

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What do you say we lighten things up and talk about abortion?
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Yesterday, some hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shaftesbury.
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How about a positive LSD story? Wouldn't that be news-worthy, just the once? To base your decision on information rather than scare tactics and superstition and lies? I think it would be news-worthy.
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People often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.
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Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
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I guess what surprised me the most was the discrepancy in casualties: Iraq, one hundred fifty thousand casualties, USA: seventy-nine! Let's go over those numbers again, they're a little baffling at first: Iraq: 150,000, USA: 79. Does that mean we could have won with only 80 guys there? Just one guy in a ticker-tape parade, I did it! Hey!
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I don't do drugs anymore... than, say, the average touring funk band.
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The world's like a ride in a fairground & when you choose to go on it you think it's real, that's how powerful our minds are
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It's an insane world, and I'm proud to be a part of it.
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Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.
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It's hard to have a relationship in this business...it's gonna take a very special woman...or a bunch of average ones.
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You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. I believe God created me in one day. Yeah, looks like He rushed it
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Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags.
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I believe that God left certain drugs growing naturally upon our planet to help speed up and facilitate our evolution.
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Sixteen years I've pounded my head against the mentality of America, which...I'd say it's about an 8th grade emotional level.
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The CIA has a plot...they've used before to get rid of world leaders. Only problem...is convincing Hussein...to fly to Dallas.
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I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.' Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?
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Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining.
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Marijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let's put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal.
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Sometimes you feel in control, and it's great, but sometimes you just don't feel in control and you really have to struggle to get laughs.
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