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I was just down in Dallas, Texas...the Assassination Museum...it's really accurate, you know, 'cause Oswald's not in it.

Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Causes
Oswald
Really
Dallas
Assassination
Museum
Museums
Accurate
Texas
Cause

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Are gun rights advocates arguing that roving gangs...shooting innocent bystanders constitutes a 'well-regulated militia'?
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So scary watching the news...Like Iraq...could ever under any stretch of the imagination be any threat to us whatsoever.
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I'm very tired of staring out into your vacant faces looking back at me. Wanting to fill your empty lives with humor you couldn't possibly think of yourself... Good evening!
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They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer
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Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! ... That's the story of Jesus.
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Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.
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This is the idea that has made me...an anonymous figure in America...If you have children here tonight...they are NOT special.
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Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.
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Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags.
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Sometimes you feel in control, and it's great, but sometimes you just don't feel in control and you really have to struggle to get laughs.
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I wish I could meet a Christian who would proselytize to me, but they keep running away from me. I wanna talk to you all.
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What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis not the young, cool guy, always the bloated fool.
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It's you people dying from nothing that are screwed. I got all sorts of neat gadgets waiting for me...oxygen tent, iron lung.
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Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
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We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.
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I just have one of those faces. People come up to me and say, 'What's wrong?' Nothing. 'Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.' Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?
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How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? ...Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?
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Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that's why you giggle the first hour.
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Yesterday, some hooligans knocked over a dustbin in Shaftesbury.
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I'm an American who loves an America which doesn't exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas.
Bill Hicks