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I was just down in Dallas, Texas...the Assassination Museum...it's really accurate, you know, 'cause Oswald's not in it.

Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Texas
Cause
Causes
Oswald
Really
Dallas
Assassination
Museum
Museums
Accurate

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It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.
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I am a misanthropic humanist... Do I like people? They're great, IN THEORY.
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People often ask me where I stand politically. It's not that I disagree with Bush's economic policy or his foreign policy, it's that I believe he was a child of Satan sent here to destroy the planet Earth. Little to the left.
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When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
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I'm tired of this back-slappin' isn't humanity neat bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.
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Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
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I'm just trying to rid the world of all these fevered egos that are tainting our collective unconscious.
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People say to me, Hey, Bill, the war made us feel better about ourselves. Really? What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves? May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps... sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?
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Surgeon General's warning ought to read: Smoking has been determined t0 cause cancer, heart disease & rednecks with seniority.
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I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman...come in the guise of a comic...to heal perception by using...'jokes'.
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The CIA has a plot...they've used before to get rid of world leaders. Only problem...is convincing Hussein...to fly to Dallas.
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All day long you see those commercials: 'Here's Your Brain, Just Say No'...and the next commercial is: 'This Bud's For You.'
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I can't believe a war against drugs when they have anti-drug commercials on TV all day long followed by This Bud is for you.
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You are the imagination of yourself.
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If I thought the Jews killed God, I'd worship the Jews.
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People are bringing SHOTGUNS to UFO sightings...brings a whole new meaning to that phrase 'You ain't from around here, ar'ya?'
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I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego.
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Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.
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We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?
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Music is a great energizer. It's a language everybody knows.
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