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We'll see who believes in me now. I am the Prankster God - I am killing me!

Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Prankster
Pranksters
Believes
Killing
Believe

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I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?'
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Mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, Mister.
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I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.
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Pornography is any act that has no artistic merit and causes sexual thoughts...Sounds like almost every commercial on TV to me.
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Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
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I'm tired of this back-slappin' isn't humanity neat bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.
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I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you'll find in this world.
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Courtroom for Ted Bundy's trial is packed with women, trying to meet him and give him love letters and wedding-fucking-proposals...and the first thought that enters my mind is, And I'm not getting laid. What am I doing wrong?
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What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
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Be yourself on stage. Nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered.
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All governments are lying cocksuckers.
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I don't do drugs anymore... than, say, the average touring funk band.
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We killed 6 innocent people, launching 22, I think $3 million apiece missiles on Baghdad...that's a little bit overdoing it.
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The waitress comes over to me like, 'What'chu readin' for?' I had never been asked that. Not 'What am I reading?' but 'What am I reading for?' Goddammit, you stumped me. Hmm, why do I read? I suppose I read for a lot of reasons, one of the main ones being so I don't end up being a... waffle waitress.
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Billy Ray Cyrus does not smoke. Michael Bolton doesn't...Paula Abdul doesn't...there does seem to be a pattern.
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A lotta Christians wear crosses 'round their necks do you think if Jesus comes back he ever wants to see another cross?
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Just one thing I know for sure, chicks dig jerks.
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You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. I believe God created me in one day. Yeah, looks like He rushed it
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If ur going to have a war on drugs, have them against ALL drugs, including alcohol, the number one offender.
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I'll tell you how to solve this abortion thing...Those unwanted babies...? Leave about 12 of them on the Supreme Court steps.
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