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You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. I believe God created me in one day. Yeah, looks like He rushed it
Bill Hicks
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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
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Creationist
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Yeah
Creationism
Ever
Created
Ridges
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Furry
Looks
Feet
Eyebrow
Real
Eyes
Rushed
Believe
Eye
Eyebrows
Really
Bigs
Evolved
More quotes by Bill Hicks
Billy Ray Cyrus does not smoke. Michael Bolton doesn't...Paula Abdul doesn't...there does seem to be a pattern.
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How many people disapprove of the job the Conservatives are doing? Seventy percent. Of those same people, how many will vote for them again? ...Seventy percent. What the fuck? Where did they take this poll, at an S&M parlor?
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I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself - to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.
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I'm an American who loves an America which doesn't exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas.
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What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis not the young, cool guy, always the bloated fool.
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Marijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let's put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal.
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Why is pot against the law? It wouldn't be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can't make a profit off it, would it?
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Mummy, I woke today and there was a Lincoln Log in me sock drawer! ... That's the story of Jesus.
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I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative.
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It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.
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What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn't it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, It's gonna be worth it!.
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If I thought the Jews killed God, I'd worship the Jews.
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I find it ironic that people who are against things that cause sexual thoughts are generally fundamentalist Christians who also believe you should be fruitful and multiply.
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Be yourself on stage. Nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered.
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Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining.
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The waitress comes over to me like, 'What'chu readin' for?' I had never been asked that. Not 'What am I reading?' but 'What am I reading for?' Goddammit, you stumped me. Hmm, why do I read? I suppose I read for a lot of reasons, one of the main ones being so I don't end up being a... waffle waitress.
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It's not a war on drugs, it's a war on personal freedom.
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....All drugs should be legal. War is wrong. The rich get richer. The poor get poorer. Thank you. I'll be here all week.
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To me pornography is...spending all your money and not educating the people in America, but spending it instead on weapons.
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But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It's no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out your ass.
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