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I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?'

Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Comedy
Funny
Beat
Kids
Dad
Used
Beats
Come
Yeah
Never
Along
Motivational
Humor

More quotes by Bill Hicks

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To make marijuana against the law is like saying God made a big mistake.
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Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags.
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It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.
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I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.
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Smoking may cause fetal injury or premature birth. ... I found my brand. Just don't get the ones that say, Lung Cancer.
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What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
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It's hard to have a relationship in this business...it's gonna take a very special woman...or a bunch of average ones.
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Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.
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Will there be titty? Sure. Boom! I'm a producer. Where you been all our life, boy? We been lookin for you in Hollywood.
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I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is mankind's sole purpose on this planet.
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Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
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Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.
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What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis not the young, cool guy, always the bloated fool.
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I don't get along with anything, I really don't...I'm, I'm, maybe I'm just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being.
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You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That's like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.
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I wouldn't give Satan a snowball's chance in Hell against a woman's ego.
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I don't care if you're obscene, filthy, horrendous -- as long as you're honest.
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In the beginning God created the heavans and the earth... see you at the final.
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The puppet on the right shares my beliefs, the puppet on the left is more to my liking. Hey...there's one guy holding up both!
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It's not a war on drugs, it's a war on personal freedom.
Bill Hicks