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People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself.

Bill Hicks

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Bill Hicks
Age: 32 †
Born: 1961
Born: December 16
Died: 1994
Died: February 26
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Musician
Screenwriter
Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Writer
Valdosta
Georgia
William Melvin Hicks
Kingdoms
Outside
Share
United
Doesn
America
States
People
Kingdom

More quotes by Bill Hicks

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It's you people dying from nothing that are screwed. I got all sorts of neat gadgets waiting for me...oxygen tent, iron lung.
Bill Hicks
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But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It's no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out your ass.
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The puppet on the right shares my beliefs, the puppet on the left is more to my liking. Hey...there's one guy holding up both!
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What's gonna happen to the arms industry when we realize we're all one. Ha ha ha ha ha! It's gonna fuck up the economy! The economy that's fake anyway! Ha ha ha! Which would be a real bummer. You know. You can see why the government's cracking down... on the idea of experiencing unconditional love, ah.
Bill Hicks
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People say to me, Hey, Bill, the war made us feel better about ourselves. Really? What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves? May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps... sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?
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It's hard to have a relationship in this business...it's gonna take a very special woman...or a bunch of average ones.
Bill Hicks
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So scary watching the news...Like Iraq...could ever under any stretch of the imagination be any threat to us whatsoever.
Bill Hicks
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How about a positive LSD story? Wouldn't that be news-worthy, just the once? To base your decision on information rather than scare tactics and superstition and lies? I think it would be news-worthy.
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All your beliefs, they're just that. They're nothing. They're how you were taught and raised. That doesn't make 'em real.
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I guess what surprised me the most was the discrepancy in casualties: Iraq, one hundred fifty thousand casualties, USA: seventy-nine! Let's go over those numbers again, they're a little baffling at first: Iraq: 150,000, USA: 79. Does that mean we could have won with only 80 guys there? Just one guy in a ticker-tape parade, I did it! Hey!
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Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that's why you giggle the first hour.
Bill Hicks
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Go back to bed America, your government is in control again. Go back to bed America... you are free to do as we tell you... you are free to do as we tell you.
Bill Hicks
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Marijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let's put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal.
Bill Hicks
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I'm an American who loves an America which doesn't exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas.
Bill Hicks
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What strikes me as funny about Elvis is that all the impersonators choose to do the Vegas Elvis not the young, cool guy, always the bloated fool.
Bill Hicks
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In the beginning God created the heavans and the earth... see you at the final.
Bill Hicks
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The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people's minds, exposing them to the light.
Bill Hicks
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It's not a war on drugs, it's a war on personal freedom.
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We're supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?
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Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.
Bill Hicks