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So the hotel tells us that it is not safe to go in the water because its shark mating time. I know how I'd feel if someone interrupted me.
Bill Engvall
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Bill Engvall
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: July 27
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Singer
Songwriter
Television Actor
Galveston
Texas
William Ray Bill Engvall
Jr.
William Ray Engvall
Jr.
William Engvall
Jr.
William Ray Engvall
William Engvall
Feels
Sharks
Time
Interrupted
Hotel
Tells
Safe
Water
Someone
Mating
Feel
Shark
More quotes by Bill Engvall
I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.
Bill Engvall
To all companies please stop using Xmas songs and inserting your own lyrics. Write your own music. I am boycotting you until you stop.
Bill Engvall
When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door?
Bill Engvall
In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.
Bill Engvall
I've never read a kayak manual, but I'm pretty sure page one says 'Use in water.'
Bill Engvall
He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot. Well of course it's a golf shot I just hit a golf ball. You don't see Gretzky skating around going there's a hockey shot, that's a hockey shot.
Bill Engvall
I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say 'I'm Stupid.' That way you wouldn't rely on them, and you wouldn't ask them for nothing.
Bill Engvall
Went to the grocery store, got everything on my list and went up to the checkout. I put a bag of pet food for our rabbit on the conveyor. The girl looked at me and said, Do you have a rabbit? I looked at here and said deadpan, Nope. Just like 'em 'cause they're crunchy. Here's your sign.
Bill Engvall
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I swear he said, Tire go flat? I couldn't resist. Said, Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign.
Bill Engvall
I believe pain is nature's way of saying, 'You're still alive, and life sucks.'
Bill Engvall
Martial sex is kinda like ordering a Civil War chess set through the mail. You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don't know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.
Bill Engvall
Because we've become so ecologically minded now, they have developed a product called Rapidly Dissolving Toilet Paper. Just how rapidly are we talking? 'Cause I don't want to have to play Beat the Clock in the thicket.
Bill Engvall
The human brain doesn't come with an instruction manual.
Bill Engvall
I thought RV stood for Recreational Vehicle. No! It stands for Ruins Vacations.
Bill Engvall
Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger.
Bill Engvall
That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men
Bill Engvall
My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties...welcome to my world.
Bill Engvall
Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't want to be jackass. You just pushed my jackass button.
Bill Engvall
If your mother still drives you to school, you are not a gangster, pull your pants up!
Bill Engvall
My wife, trying to be helpful, goes to the grocery store and buys this stuff called soy bacon. Let me tell you something: I know soy beans are good for a lot of things. Let's stay out of the bacon market! It says It looks and tastes like real bacon! No it doesn't! It tastes like somebody bacon-flavored a turd, that's what it tastes like!
Bill Engvall
