Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?
Bill Engvall
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Bill Engvall
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: July 27
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Singer
Songwriter
Television Actor
Galveston
Texas
William Ray Bill Engvall
Jr.
William Ray Engvall
Jr.
William Engvall
Jr.
William Ray Engvall
William Engvall
Farted
Shivered
Ever
Hard
More quotes by Bill Engvall
That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men
Bill Engvall
When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door?
Bill Engvall
I arrived home the other day, and it was just pouring rain out side so buy the time I get from the car to the front door I am soaked. I walk in side and take off my jacket and my wife says Is it raining out I couldn't help my self when I replied Nope, I had to take the gold fish for a walk. Here's your sign!
Bill Engvall
There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing someone for being on a hunger strike by sending them to bed with no supper.
Bill Engvall
The older you get, the more people think they have to listen to you.
Bill Engvall
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I swear he said, Tire go flat? I couldn't resist. Said, Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign.
Bill Engvall
Did you ever notice all the items on a honey do list are dangerous. Clean gutters, put light in shower, patch roof. It's a honey die list.
Bill Engvall
To all companies please stop using Xmas songs and inserting your own lyrics. Write your own music. I am boycotting you until you stop.
Bill Engvall
I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.
Bill Engvall
Martial sex is kinda like ordering a Civil War chess set through the mail. You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don't know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.
Bill Engvall
You know your getting older when you lay in bed til 10am and think to yourself god I just wasted half the day.
Bill Engvall
If you thought Stairway to Heaven was a long song, dear god you should listen to it played on a lute.
Bill Engvall
My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties...welcome to my world.
Bill Engvall
I was born in Galveston, Texas in 1957 in the middle of a hurricane. I guess because of the drop in the barometric pressure it affected my brain and I was destined to become a stand up comic, although at that age I wasn't aware of my destiny.
Bill Engvall
Just when I think the human race has been lost to the what about me people. I see the best we have to offer helping others.
Bill Engvall
I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say 'I'm Stupid.' That way you wouldn't rely on them, and you wouldn't ask them for nothing.
Bill Engvall
I go I just want a cup of black coffee. She goes Do you want to try a biscotti? They're from Italy and they're considered a delicacy. Have you ever eaten one of these things? It tastes like a burned cookie. Where I'm from, that's considered a mistake.
Bill Engvall
So the hotel tells us that it is not safe to go in the water because its shark mating time. I know how I'd feel if someone interrupted me.
Bill Engvall
When you're doing stand-up, you achieve an intimacy with the audience you can't get on TV. There's not a better feeling in the entire world then when you look out and see the audience is identifying with you.
Bill Engvall
I called my pilot 2 weeks before I flew and asked him, I don't want to get sick, what should I eat? He said, Peanut Butter. I said, If I eat peanut butter then I won't get sick? He said, no, but it tastes the same comin' up as it does goin' down.
Bill Engvall
