Quote

I believe that Lady Gaga is like a carnival ride. From a distance she looks fun, but up close, you don't wanna climb on that.

Bill Engvall

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Bill Engvall
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: July 27
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Singer
Songwriter
Television Actor
Galveston
Texas
William Ray Bill Engvall
Jr.
William Ray Engvall
Jr.
William Engvall
Jr.
William Ray Engvall
William Engvall
Close
Carnivals
Fun
Gaga
Looks
Climb
Believe
Climbs
Like
Wanna
Ride
Lady
Distance
Carnival

More quotes by Bill Engvall

Image
Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger.
Bill Engvall
Image
He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot. Well of course it's a golf shot I just hit a golf ball. You don't see Gretzky skating around going there's a hockey shot, that's a hockey shot.
Bill Engvall
Image
Because we've become so ecologically minded now, they have developed a product called Rapidly Dissolving Toilet Paper. Just how rapidly are we talking? 'Cause I don't want to have to play Beat the Clock in the thicket.
Bill Engvall
Image
I thought RV stood for Recreational Vehicle. No! It stands for Ruins Vacations.
Bill Engvall
Image
You know your getting older when you lay in bed til 10am and think to yourself god I just wasted half the day.
Bill Engvall
Image
I was a dork hunter. That's hard to do. I fell out of a tree.
Bill Engvall
Image
So the hotel tells us that it is not safe to go in the water because its shark mating time. I know how I'd feel if someone interrupted me.
Bill Engvall
Image
I was always the Class Clown and over time became very good at it. I started doing comedy on stage at the Dallas Comedy Corner where I honed my skills by watching guys like Garry Shandling, Robin Williams, Jay Lena and more.
Bill Engvall
Image
I was born in Galveston, Texas in 1957 in the middle of a hurricane. I guess because of the drop in the barometric pressure it affected my brain and I was destined to become a stand up comic, although at that age I wasn't aware of my destiny.
Bill Engvall
Image
My wife, trying to be helpful, goes to the grocery store and buys this stuff called soy bacon. Let me tell you something: I know soy beans are good for a lot of things. Let's stay out of the bacon market! It says It looks and tastes like real bacon! No it doesn't! It tastes like somebody bacon-flavored a turd, that's what it tastes like!
Bill Engvall
Image
In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.
Bill Engvall
Image
How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?
Bill Engvall
Image
I believe pain is nature's way of saying, 'You're still alive, and life sucks.'
Bill Engvall
Image
There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing someone for being on a hunger strike by sending them to bed with no supper.
Bill Engvall
Image
To all companies please stop using Xmas songs and inserting your own lyrics. Write your own music. I am boycotting you until you stop.
Bill Engvall
Image
No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.
Bill Engvall
Image
I go I just want a cup of black coffee. She goes Do you want to try a biscotti? They're from Italy and they're considered a delicacy. Have you ever eaten one of these things? It tastes like a burned cookie. Where I'm from, that's considered a mistake.
Bill Engvall
Image
I was sitting on a plane that is traveling towards Seattle. And the guy next to me turns and says to me Hey, you going to Seattle?. Nope, San Francisco... I'll be parachuting off in about an hour. Here's your sign!
Bill Engvall
Image
Just when I think the human race has been lost to the what about me people. I see the best we have to offer helping others.
Bill Engvall
Image
Martial sex is kinda like ordering a Civil War chess set through the mail. You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don't know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.
Bill Engvall