Quote

No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.

Bill Engvall

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Bill Engvall
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: July 27
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Singer
Songwriter
Television Actor
Galveston
Texas
William Ray Bill Engvall
Jr.
William Ray Engvall
Jr.
William Engvall
Jr.
William Ray Engvall
William Engvall
Working
Gas
Possum
Funny
Kill
Possums
Money
Saws
Overalls
Many
Parents
Jesse
Never
Humor
Duke
Food
Dukes
Parent
Uncle
Forever
Uncles

More quotes by Bill Engvall

Image
Martial sex is kinda like ordering a Civil War chess set through the mail. You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don't know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.
Bill Engvall
Image
That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men
Bill Engvall
Image
I was sitting on a plane that is traveling towards Seattle. And the guy next to me turns and says to me Hey, you going to Seattle?. Nope, San Francisco... I'll be parachuting off in about an hour. Here's your sign!
Bill Engvall
Image
I thought RV stood for Recreational Vehicle. No! It stands for Ruins Vacations.
Bill Engvall
Image
I swear to you, I am the cheapest drunk on the planet. It takes nothing to get me loopy and doing stupid stuff. Yeah. Some of you like that? Well... like riding an electric floor buffer for a shot of tequila. Did it!
Bill Engvall
Image
Did you ever notice all the items on a honey do list are dangerous. Clean gutters, put light in shower, patch roof. It's a honey die list.
Bill Engvall
Image
A condom is a rubber thing shaped like a wiener that hums.
Bill Engvall
Image
If your mother still drives you to school, you are not a gangster, pull your pants up!
Bill Engvall
Image
I believe that Lady Gaga is like a carnival ride. From a distance she looks fun, but up close, you don't wanna climb on that.
Bill Engvall
Image
Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger.
Bill Engvall
Image
I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.
Bill Engvall
Image
Because we've become so ecologically minded now, they have developed a product called Rapidly Dissolving Toilet Paper. Just how rapidly are we talking? 'Cause I don't want to have to play Beat the Clock in the thicket.
Bill Engvall
Image
I was a dork hunter. That's hard to do. I fell out of a tree.
Bill Engvall
Image
As we're staggering out of the hospital, I don't remember doing this because I was still high, but apparently I turned to the entire operating room staff and screamed Hey! I'd better not see this on YouTube!
Bill Engvall
Image
In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.
Bill Engvall
Image
I believe pain is nature's way of saying, 'You're still alive, and life sucks.'
Bill Engvall
Image
I called my pilot 2 weeks before I flew and asked him, I don't want to get sick, what should I eat? He said, Peanut Butter. I said, If I eat peanut butter then I won't get sick? He said, no, but it tastes the same comin' up as it does goin' down.
Bill Engvall
Image
The older you get, the more people think they have to listen to you.
Bill Engvall
Image
Just when I think the human race has been lost to the what about me people. I see the best we have to offer helping others.
Bill Engvall
Image
So the hotel tells us that it is not safe to go in the water because its shark mating time. I know how I'd feel if someone interrupted me.
Bill Engvall