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There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing someone for being on a hunger strike by sending them to bed with no supper.

Bill Engvall

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Bill Engvall
Age: 67
Born: 1957
Born: July 27
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Singer
Songwriter
Television Actor
Galveston
Texas
William Ray Bill Engvall
Jr.
William Ray Engvall
Jr.
William Engvall
Jr.
William Ray Engvall
William Engvall
Wants
Capital
Death
California
Someone
Strikes
Punishable
Make
Suicide
Punishing
Like
Hunger
Supper
Bed
Sending
Group
Offense
Groups
Strike

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To all companies please stop using Xmas songs and inserting your own lyrics. Write your own music. I am boycotting you until you stop.
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In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.
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When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door?
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Went to the grocery store, got everything on my list and went up to the checkout. I put a bag of pet food for our rabbit on the conveyor. The girl looked at me and said, Do you have a rabbit? I looked at here and said deadpan, Nope. Just like 'em 'cause they're crunchy. Here's your sign.
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How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?
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I believe pain is nature's way of saying, 'You're still alive, and life sucks.'
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And don't put a rose in my hand. Put a slim-jim in it. Send me to heaven with a slim-jim!
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I hit two trees and fell down a ditch. And that was just walking from the lodge.
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I was a dork hunter. That's hard to do. I fell out of a tree.
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My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties...welcome to my world.
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If you thought Stairway to Heaven was a long song, dear god you should listen to it played on a lute.
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Did you ever notice all the items on a honey do list are dangerous. Clean gutters, put light in shower, patch roof. It's a honey die list.
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He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot. Well of course it's a golf shot I just hit a golf ball. You don't see Gretzky skating around going there's a hockey shot, that's a hockey shot.
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If your mother still drives you to school, you are not a gangster, pull your pants up!
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So the hotel tells us that it is not safe to go in the water because its shark mating time. I know how I'd feel if someone interrupted me.
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Ketchup is great on hamburgers, but if some gets on your shirt, that does not make your shirt also a hamburger.
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I've never read a kayak manual, but I'm pretty sure page one says 'Use in water.'
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You know your getting older when you lay in bed til 10am and think to yourself god I just wasted half the day.
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It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My friend comes over and says Hey, you moving? Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign.
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The older you get, the more people think they have to listen to you.
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