Quote

A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station.

Bill Cosby

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Bill Cosby
Age: 87
Born: 1937
Born: July 12
American Football Player
Comedian
Composer
Dub Actor
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Manufacturer
Screenwriter
Singer
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
William Henry Bill Cosby Jr.
Dr. William H. Cosby Jr. Ed.D.
William H. Cosby Jr. Ed.D.
William Henry Cosby Jr.
Precisely
Shave
Times
Privacy
Fatherhood
Funny
Invariably
Comes
Quickly
Learns
Father
Dad
Station
Certain
Humor
Bathroom
Children
Needed
Gas
Way
Company
Stations
Child

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As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by 'survival of the fittest.'
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Take your bottom lip and pull it over your head.
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I've got a Ferrari. VROOM! I do 104 from the garage to the front door.
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I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.
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Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
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Why do I have to feed the kids? They just ate twelve hours ago!
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I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.
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Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.
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In America ... the seven ages of man have become preschooler, Pepsi generation, baby boomer, mid-lifer, empty-nester, senior citizen, and organ donor.
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Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.
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People should fact check. People shouldn’t have to go through that and shouldn’t answer to innuendos.
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The beautiful thing about older people is their ability to cut the fat off of conversation. When they talk, they don't go on forever and ever. They say what they have to say, and that's it. That was my grand dad. Some of the things he said stunned me, but his words were logical. I'll never forget them.
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In your 50s, time becomes precious and must not be wasted. Every minute is an excellent opportunity for a good nap. Happy 50th birthday!
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People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on.
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If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.
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The mother may be doing ninety percent of the disciplining, but the father still must have a full-time acceptance of all the children. He never must say, Get these kids out of here I'm trying to watch TV. If he ever does start saying this, he is liable to see one of his kids on the six o'clock news.
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If the audience knows you can be funny when you want to be, they will be willing to wait for that payoff.
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