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I was certified to take x-rays, but you can't just show up and start cleaning people's teeth.

Bill Burr

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Bill Burr
Age: 56
Born: 1968
Born: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Canton
Massachusetts
William Frederic Bill Burr
Start
Show
Shows
Take
Certified
People
Cleaning
Rays
Teeth

More quotes by Bill Burr

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Podcasting is great. Total freedom.
Bill Burr
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I'm trying to get away from trashing women, to be honest. I think I've done enough of that in my career.
Bill Burr
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I mean, stand up you're by yourself and it's live and when you're acting, unless you're doing a monologue, you're interacting with somebody else. Even if you're doing a monologue you're saying it to somebody and it's not live so you can do it a few times.
Bill Burr
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I cannot believe that [Donald Trump] is actually in the debates.
Bill Burr
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I have this weird sort of Gemini thing where I can really be empathetic and a loving person. But if you piss me off, I can be one of the meanest, most sadistic people.
Bill Burr
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I think the fear of humiliating yourself on stage always motivates me to give at least 90 percent. I've definitely been guilty of leaning on the mic stand, but you can only do that so long before you're like, Jesus, I'm bombing. The fact that people pay to come see me, that's really just out the window.
Bill Burr
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I think I know how to raise a kid. You just play catch with 'em. You just talk about life, and you distract them by throwing the ball. They don't even notice that you're filling up their heads with your theories.
Bill Burr
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I'm not going to lie. I am a psycho. Luckily, I get most of it out on stage.
Bill Burr
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Gold diggers are the wife beaters of men!
Bill Burr
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You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, 'You know what? We don't think you're smart enough for an office, but we don't want you to look at anybody.
Bill Burr
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There is no reason to hit a woman. And I was just like, really? I could give you, like, 17 right off the top of my head.
Bill Burr
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Patrice O'Neal is the best comic I ever saw.
Bill Burr
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When you say, there's no reason [to hit a woman] that kills any examination as to how two people ended up at that place. When you say, there's no reason, you cut out the build-up and you're just left with the act. How you gonna solve it if you don't figure it out?
Bill Burr
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I have to make small adjustments, but I can't change too much. If I'm worrying about that stuff too much then the show isn't as funny.
Bill Burr
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It was right after 9/11 and I decided to walk around the grounds of the Pentagon, because I had never been there. Out of nowhere comes this speeding camouflaged golf cart and this guy starts yelling at me, 'What do you think you're doing!' The guy wrote my name down and began to follow me before I got really scared and took off as fast as I could.
Bill Burr
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I do enjoy them. I get to meet the next generation of comics and help them out. Big comics doing small shows was something that used to happen a lot more back in the day. I wish there was more of that.
Bill Burr
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Animated program was definitely a different process but it was fun though, it had elements of doing my podcast where we were all in a booth with microphones joking around and stuff. It was definitely a fun process.
Bill Burr
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I used to think you had to live this miserable life and that that would make you funnier, but you don't. The misery will come. The misery will find you.
Bill Burr
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Actually they [ Netflix] were telling us to push it further and I've never gotten a nod like that from anybody in the industry, so it's been awesome to work with them. I'm very happy where we're at.
Bill Burr
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Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.
Bill Burr