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For aspiring comedians? Don't listen to me. Just go on stage and do what you think is funny.

Bill Burr

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Bill Burr
Age: 56
Born: 1968
Born: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Canton
Massachusetts
William Frederic Bill Burr
Funny
Think
Thinking
Aspiring
Comedians
Comedian
Listen
Stage

More quotes by Bill Burr

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Podcasting is great. Total freedom.
Bill Burr
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Some guy workin' at Home Depot, he wants to f-k just as many women as a celebrity. But he can't do it, because whores don't care about lumber.
Bill Burr
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There's a big thing right now with people using stand-up as a scapegoat. People think comedians have the power to change someone in an hour. If we had that ability, the art would not be legal. It would too dangerous.
Bill Burr
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I wish they would teach it in schools: Give people the belief that they are going to do well. A lot of people are really talented and scared to follow their talent because you don't know where it's going.
Bill Burr
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Inter-racial sex is probably some of the best sex on the planet. You know what that is? Because with inter-racial sex there's like this whole added pressure to perform. 'Cause it's kinda like you're not just humping for yourself. You're humping for your race. You got to represent your people.
Bill Burr
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I'm always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn't get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about what's bugging me.
Bill Burr
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I'm not easy to live with. My wife is a saint.
Bill Burr
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I was in NYC during 9/11 it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but it took about 10 days and comedy clubs were packed.
Bill Burr
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If this goes into sweatshop labor, I'm quitting this podcast.
Bill Burr
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Do you know how many times a week people ask me why I'm yelling?
Bill Burr
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When I watch 'Breaking Bad,' my stomach is in knots.
Bill Burr
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If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene.
Bill Burr
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It was right after 9/11 and I decided to walk around the grounds of the Pentagon, because I had never been there. Out of nowhere comes this speeding camouflaged golf cart and this guy starts yelling at me, 'What do you think you're doing!' The guy wrote my name down and began to follow me before I got really scared and took off as fast as I could.
Bill Burr
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My dad was a dentist but I wasn't a hygienist. I assisted my dad.
Bill Burr
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I have to make small adjustments, but I can't change too much. If I'm worrying about that stuff too much then the show isn't as funny.
Bill Burr
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My favorite part of podcasting is running my mouth for an hour. The only time I dont like it is when Im off. Then that hour feels like a day and a half.
Bill Burr
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Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.
Bill Burr
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I think I know how to raise a kid. You just play catch with 'em. You just talk about life, and you distract them by throwing the ball. They don't even notice that you're filling up their heads with your theories.
Bill Burr
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You have no idea how long a year is until you’re stone sober.
Bill Burr
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Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?
Bill Burr