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I used to think you had to live this miserable life and that that would make you funnier, but you don't. The misery will come. The misery will find you.

Bill Burr

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Bill Burr
Age: 56
Born: 1968
Born: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Canton
Massachusetts
William Frederic Bill Burr
Live
Come
Make
Would
Funnier
Think
Miserable
Thinking
Misery
Life
Used
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More quotes by Bill Burr

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Your twenties is all about taking your childhood out on everyone that you run into.
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You know why men make more money than women? Because, in the unlikely event that we're both on the Titanic and it starts to sink, for some reason, you get to leave with the kids and I have to stay - that's why I get the dollar more an hour.
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I think I know how to raise a kid. You just play catch with 'em. You just talk about life, and you distract them by throwing the ball. They don't even notice that you're filling up their heads with your theories.
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I've battled with that type of stuff, but what I've found is that by doing stand-up, I've actually learned about depression and how to combat it. I don't have clinical, but I've definitely had my bouts with it.
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I don't mind either one [crowd that is more willing to interact or crowd that's more ready to just watch]. Both of them are forms of listening to what I'm saying so I can't ask for any more than that.
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I think it gets uncomfortable when you try to act like you didn't just tell a joke that bombed.
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Actually they [ Netflix] were telling us to push it further and I've never gotten a nod like that from anybody in the industry, so it's been awesome to work with them. I'm very happy where we're at.
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You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can't believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me.
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Inter-racial sex is probably some of the best sex on the planet. You know what that is? Because with inter-racial sex there's like this whole added pressure to perform. 'Cause it's kinda like you're not just humping for yourself. You're humping for your race. You got to represent your people.
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Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10.
Bill Burr
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I'm trying to get away from trashing women, to be honest. I think I've done enough of that in my career.
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Podcasting is great. Total freedom.
Bill Burr
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There's a big thing right now with people using stand-up as a scapegoat. People think comedians have the power to change someone in an hour. If we had that ability, the art would not be legal. It would too dangerous.
Bill Burr
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I love doing radio, and I love doing stand-up, obviously.
Bill Burr
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I have to make small adjustments, but I can't change too much. If I'm worrying about that stuff too much then the show isn't as funny.
Bill Burr
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Think about the amount of crap the US has done! Between slavery and the genocide of the Native Americans - if any of that had been filmed like [Adolf] Hitler, we'd never live it down.
Bill Burr
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I'm not easy to live with. My wife is a saint.
Bill Burr
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I was painfully shy when I was younger but at some point you've gotta grow up. I think the genius in the man-boy thing is you tap into a woman's motherly instincts.
Bill Burr
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I do my podcast on Mondays for a specific reason. A lot of people go to work and don't like their jobs. If you give people something to laugh about, it's good.
Bill Burr
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Some guy workin' at Home Depot, he wants to f-k just as many women as a celebrity. But he can't do it, because whores don't care about lumber.
Bill Burr