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It was right after 9/11 and I decided to walk around the grounds of the Pentagon, because I had never been there. Out of nowhere comes this speeding camouflaged golf cart and this guy starts yelling at me, 'What do you think you're doing!' The guy wrote my name down and began to follow me before I got really scared and took off as fast as I could.

Bill Burr

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Bill Burr
Age: 56
Born: 1968
Born: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Canton
Massachusetts
William Frederic Bill Burr
Around
Follow
Nowhere
Right
Took
Starts
Camouflaged
Really
Walk
Began
Cart
Never
Walks
Wrote
Speeding
Think
Name
Scared
Carts
Thinking
Names
Fast
Pentagon
Guy
Golf
Grounds
Comes
Decided
Yelling

More quotes by Bill Burr

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Think about the amount of crap the US has done! Between slavery and the genocide of the Native Americans - if any of that had been filmed like [Adolf] Hitler, we'd never live it down.
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If you get a chance to go outside of the country, you start examining where you're from and some of the thought processes. Like when I finally got away from the east coast for a while, and I came back there was just this underlying anger that I never noticed before, because I was born there and just dropped right into it.
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You have no idea how long a year is until you’re stone sober.
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Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?
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My dad was a dentist but I wasn't a hygienist. I assisted my dad.
Bill Burr
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It’s been a dream to work with Netflix because they don’t have any pressure from advertisers.
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I gotta be honest with you. Im kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?
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I am so pro-swine flu it's - it's like ridiculous.
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I've had a great time on the road, I would say shooting guns with a silencer in Jacksonville, Fla.
Bill Burr
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There's a big thing right now with people using stand-up as a scapegoat. People think comedians have the power to change someone in an hour. If we had that ability, the art would not be legal. It would too dangerous.
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It's a great time to be a comedian because you've got so much more control. You can say what you want to. I think in the old days with the studio system the performer was a bit of an afterthought. You can be a wildcard on the internet. But if you put something on the internet once it's out there it's out there for life.
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You know, it wasn't even that I'm a funny guy, I just loved stand-up comedy and I wanted to do it. It was one of the few things in my life that I knew I was going to be able to do, and I also felt as though I'd be able to do it the way I wanted to do it.
Bill Burr
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I'm always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn't get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about what's bugging me.
Bill Burr
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I think I know how to raise a kid. You just play catch with 'em. You just talk about life, and you distract them by throwing the ball. They don't even notice that you're filling up their heads with your theories.
Bill Burr
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There is no reason to hit a woman. And I was just like, really? I could give you, like, 17 right off the top of my head.
Bill Burr
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If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene.
Bill Burr
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You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, 'You know what? We don't think you're smart enough for an office, but we don't want you to look at anybody.
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Let's go to Brunch. What a great idea! Why would you want to sleep in on a Sunday when you can go pay $18 for eggs? Now, you're thinking.
Bill Burr
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I think it gets uncomfortable when you try to act like you didn't just tell a joke that bombed.
Bill Burr
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So many people there are in politics that they're overly cautious about laughing at stuff. They're so damned concerned about what everyone else is thinking. What are they worried about? Nobody ever walked into a show as a bleeding heart liberal and had a comedian undo 30 years of life experience.
Bill Burr