Quote

Some guy workin' at Home Depot, he wants to f-k just as many women as a celebrity. But he can't do it, because whores don't care about lumber.

Bill Burr

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Bill Burr
Age: 56
Born: 1968
Born: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Canton
Massachusetts
William Frederic Bill Burr
Wants
Guy
Care
Women
Depot
Home
Workin
Many
Lumber
Whores
Celebrity

More quotes by Bill Burr

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You know why men make more money than women? Because, in the unlikely event that we're both on the Titanic and it starts to sink, for some reason, you get to leave with the kids and I have to stay - that's why I get the dollar more an hour.
Bill Burr
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I have fun doing movies, I’ve had fun doing the animated show, and I certainly have fun doing standup. Even that, even though it’s just me talking, it’s also interaction with the crowd.
Bill Burr
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There is no reason to hit a woman. And I was just like, really? I could give you, like, 17 right off the top of my head.
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What would you rather be? 52 and look 52, or 52 and look like a 28-year-old lizard?
Bill Burr
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I was in NYC during 9/11 it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but it took about 10 days and comedy clubs were packed.
Bill Burr
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Being a stand-up comic, this isn't a stepping-stone for me it's what I do, and this is what I'm always going to do. And even if I do a TV show, the only reasons to do a TV show is to get more people to know me to come out to my stand-up shows.
Bill Burr
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I love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy.
Bill Burr
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To me this is not yelling. I am not yelling. I'm just passionate about my opinions and I want to tell you all of them before you start talking again.
Bill Burr
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Don't be a jerk to other comics and don't let the business beat you down, stay positive and if you work your ass off you're going to get somewhere.
Bill Burr
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I gotta be honest with you. Im kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?
Bill Burr
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If I can sell out clubs and theaters and play dirtbags in movies, and get blown up in a car or get the crap beat out of me in a movie, that's good for me I'm good.
Bill Burr
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I consider Ric Flair to be one of the great comedic minds. But I never got to see him growing up because that was back when they still had territories.
Bill Burr
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So many people there are in politics that they're overly cautious about laughing at stuff. They're so damned concerned about what everyone else is thinking. What are they worried about? Nobody ever walked into a show as a bleeding heart liberal and had a comedian undo 30 years of life experience.
Bill Burr
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There is a very difficult period in a comedian's career - it's that window of time where you're good enough to draw tickets but nobody knows you yet.
Bill Burr
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I bet The Walking Dead gets really low ratings out in Montana, just because all they need to do is look out their f-king window, am I right?
Bill Burr
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Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?
Bill Burr
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There's a big thing right now with people using stand-up as a scapegoat. People think comedians have the power to change someone in an hour. If we had that ability, the art would not be legal. It would too dangerous.
Bill Burr
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I mean, stand up you're by yourself and it's live and when you're acting, unless you're doing a monologue, you're interacting with somebody else. Even if you're doing a monologue you're saying it to somebody and it's not live so you can do it a few times.
Bill Burr
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Think about the amount of crap the US has done! Between slavery and the genocide of the Native Americans - if any of that had been filmed like [Adolf] Hitler, we'd never live it down.
Bill Burr
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I was painfully shy when I was younger but at some point you've gotta grow up. I think the genius in the man-boy thing is you tap into a woman's motherly instincts.
Bill Burr