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I was in NYC during 9/11 it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but it took about 10 days and comedy clubs were packed.

Bill Burr

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Bill Burr
Age: 56
Born: 1968
Born: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Canton
Massachusetts
William Frederic Bill Burr
Took
Comedy
Nyc
Stage
Packed
Days
Thursday
Small
Tuesday
Happened
Crowd
Crowds
Clubs

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I used to think you had to live this miserable life and that that would make you funnier, but you don't. The misery will come. The misery will find you.
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Patrice O'Neal is the best comic I ever saw.
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You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, 'You know what? We don't think you're smart enough for an office, but we don't want you to look at anybody.
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And Donald Trump? That man literally has people shouting the n word at his rallies and he doesn't address it, which is astounding to me. He's a terrible person.
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Don't be a jerk to other comics and don't let the business beat you down, stay positive and if you work your ass off you're going to get somewhere.
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It was right after 9/11 and I decided to walk around the grounds of the Pentagon, because I had never been there. Out of nowhere comes this speeding camouflaged golf cart and this guy starts yelling at me, 'What do you think you're doing!' The guy wrote my name down and began to follow me before I got really scared and took off as fast as I could.
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I can tell you why I like different countries. Ireland - some of the funniest heckles I've ever gotten. And the last time I did England I did Bristol, Manchester, and then London. The whole country is just amazing to drive through.
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I do my podcast on Mondays for a specific reason. A lot of people go to work and don't like their jobs. If you give people something to laugh about, it's good.
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Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.
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You have no idea how long a year is until you’re stone sober.
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I'm trying to get away from trashing women, to be honest. I think I've done enough of that in my career.
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I'm also disappointed in the Democrats that Hillary [Clintom] was the best they could get - It just keeps going back to Bush's and Clinton's - I'm sick of 'em! Even Jeb [Bush] was hanging in there for a minute.
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I was certified to take x-rays, but you can't just show up and start cleaning people's teeth.
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I think I know how to raise a kid. You just play catch with 'em. You just talk about life, and you distract them by throwing the ball. They don't even notice that you're filling up their heads with your theories.
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There's a big thing right now with people using stand-up as a scapegoat. People think comedians have the power to change someone in an hour. If we had that ability, the art would not be legal. It would too dangerous.
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Inter-racial sex is probably some of the best sex on the planet. You know what that is? Because with inter-racial sex there's like this whole added pressure to perform. 'Cause it's kinda like you're not just humping for yourself. You're humping for your race. You got to represent your people.
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It's a whole new world as far as getting a show on the air. There's good things and bad things.
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If this goes into sweatshop labor, I'm quitting this podcast.
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I was painfully shy when I was younger but at some point you've gotta grow up. I think the genius in the man-boy thing is you tap into a woman's motherly instincts.
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I wasn't the good looking guy, I wasn't the hot chick, I wasn't the fat guy, I didn't have a catchphrase, I didn't wear a silly hat. I was just trying to improve as a comedian.
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