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I gotta be honest with you. Im kind of jealous of the way my dad gets to talk to my mom sometimes. Where are all those old-school women you can just take your day out on? When did they stop making those angels?

Bill Burr

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Bill Burr
Age: 56
Born: 1968
Born: June 10
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Podcaster
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Writer
Canton
Massachusetts
William Frederic Bill Burr
Way
Stop
Jealous
Talk
Angels
Making
Gotta
School
Dad
Women
Mom
Take
Angel
Sometimes
Gets
Kind
Honest

More quotes by Bill Burr

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If I can sell out clubs and theaters and play dirtbags in movies, and get blown up in a car or get the crap beat out of me in a movie, that's good for me I'm good.
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I can tell you why I like different countries. Ireland - some of the funniest heckles I've ever gotten. And the last time I did England I did Bristol, Manchester, and then London. The whole country is just amazing to drive through.
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There is no reason to hit a woman. And I was just like, really? I could give you, like, 17 right off the top of my head.
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Being a stand-up comic, this isn't a stepping-stone for me it's what I do, and this is what I'm always going to do. And even if I do a TV show, the only reasons to do a TV show is to get more people to know me to come out to my stand-up shows.
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I have to make small adjustments, but I can't change too much. If I'm worrying about that stuff too much then the show isn't as funny.
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Don't be a jerk to other comics and don't let the business beat you down, stay positive and if you work your ass off you're going to get somewhere.
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I am so pro-swine flu it's - it's like ridiculous.
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I wasn't the good looking guy, I wasn't the hot chick, I wasn't the fat guy, I didn't have a catchphrase, I didn't wear a silly hat. I was just trying to improve as a comedian.
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Nothing worse than when a 6 acts like a 10.
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I think the fear of humiliating yourself on stage always motivates me to give at least 90 percent. I've definitely been guilty of leaning on the mic stand, but you can only do that so long before you're like, Jesus, I'm bombing. The fact that people pay to come see me, that's really just out the window.
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I'm not going to lie. I am a psycho. Luckily, I get most of it out on stage.
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I was certified to take x-rays, but you can't just show up and start cleaning people's teeth.
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Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.
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People should be happy to see you when you show up to a club because you're a good person. And stop caring about what the industry is looking for. Just say what you think is funny. .
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I'm one of those guys where you know, I'm 23 years into this and I love the road more than ever and rather than whittling down my schedule to just play the major cities, I've actually expanded the amount of places that I go to because I want to see a bunch of stuff. You know, plan it as I can while I'm still young enough to travel.
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I was painfully shy when I was younger but at some point you've gotta grow up. I think the genius in the man-boy thing is you tap into a woman's motherly instincts.
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Haven't you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald's has a new sandwich?
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Like most comics, I tried to come up with a sitcom idea that was based around my life. And it didn't work out. But maybe because it didn't work out, that's why I ended up on 'Breaking Bad' I don't know.
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What would you rather be? 52 and look 52, or 52 and look like a 28-year-old lizard?
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I'm trying to get away from trashing women, to be honest. I think I've done enough of that in my career.
Bill Burr