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The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.
Bill Bailey
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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
First
Way
Couple
Always
Tomorrow
Life
Rest
Days
Hand
Hands
Firsts
More quotes by Bill Bailey
Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.'
Bill Bailey
The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don't have these.
Bill Bailey
This was my attempt to deter cold callers: There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone.
Bill Bailey
Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
Bill Bailey
Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
Bill Bailey
American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
Bill Bailey
The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
Bill Bailey
But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!
Bill Bailey
People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
Bill Bailey
Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'
Bill Bailey
Thank God for Darwin, eh?
Bill Bailey
Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you're just doing the odd appearance, you don't know if it will carry on.
Bill Bailey
A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says Why the long face?. The horse replies: I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.
Bill Bailey
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
Bill Bailey
Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
Bill Bailey
Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
Bill Bailey
I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
Bill Bailey
I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
Bill Bailey
If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that's undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
Bill Bailey
I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.
Bill Bailey
