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Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.

Bill Bailey

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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Live
Earnings
Good
Gigs
Reckless
Earning
Profession
Comedy
Lasts
Fluctuate
Last
Foolhardy

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But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!
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Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'
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I try to appreciate the simple things. I've just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
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Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.'
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This shed does not contain me.
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I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars... I'm not bitter at all.
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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This was my attempt to deter cold callers: There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone.
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The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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I got ham but I'm not a Hamster
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If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that's undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
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I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.
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Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you're just doing the odd appearance, you don't know if it will carry on.
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
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That ideology was never going to work, was it? It was just cobbled together from different beliefs: The anti-intellectualism of the Khmer Rouge, the religious persecution of the Nazis, the enforced beard-wearing from the world of folk music, and the segregation and humiliation of women from the world of golf.
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
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A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says Why the long face?. The horse replies: I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.
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