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Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.

Bill Bailey

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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Live
Earnings
Good
Gigs
Reckless
Earning
Profession
Comedy
Lasts
Fluctuate
Last
Foolhardy

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Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
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That ideology was never going to work, was it? It was just cobbled together from different beliefs: The anti-intellectualism of the Khmer Rouge, the religious persecution of the Nazis, the enforced beard-wearing from the world of folk music, and the segregation and humiliation of women from the world of golf.
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I try to appreciate the simple things. I've just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time. I got into a theatre company and started doing stand-up gigs for cash, so I lived hand-to-mouth, but there was always enough to pay the bills.
Bill Bailey
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I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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This was my attempt to deter cold callers: There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone.
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Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
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The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder.
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I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
Bill Bailey
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I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.
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The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
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