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Work hard, save and live within your means.

Bill Bailey

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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Save
Within
Means
Live
Hard
Mean
Work

More quotes by Bill Bailey

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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
Bill Bailey
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I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
Bill Bailey
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Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
Bill Bailey
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Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you're just doing the odd appearance, you don't know if it will carry on.
Bill Bailey
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
Bill Bailey
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don't have these.
Bill Bailey
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This shed does not contain me.
Bill Bailey
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I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it's a bit of a long shot.
Bill Bailey
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I try to appreciate the simple things. I've just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
Bill Bailey
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
Bill Bailey
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
Bill Bailey
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'
Bill Bailey
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Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
Bill Bailey
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Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
Bill Bailey
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The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder.
Bill Bailey
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
Bill Bailey
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I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars... I'm not bitter at all.
Bill Bailey
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
Bill Bailey
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
Bill Bailey
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Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.'
Bill Bailey