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Work hard, save and live within your means.
Bill Bailey
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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
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More quotes by Bill Bailey
Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
Bill Bailey
I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
Bill Bailey
Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
Bill Bailey
American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
Bill Bailey
People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
Bill Bailey
Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
Bill Bailey
Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
Bill Bailey
The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.
Bill Bailey
I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
Bill Bailey
Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
Bill Bailey
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
Bill Bailey
How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!
Bill Bailey
Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
Bill Bailey
Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently.
Bill Bailey
Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.'
Bill Bailey
I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.'
Bill Bailey
I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'
Bill Bailey
But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!
Bill Bailey
I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God that was a good game.
Bill Bailey
Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
Bill Bailey