Quote

A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says Why the long face?. The horse replies: I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.

Bill Bailey

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Law
Bars
Barman
Face
Deeply
Barmen
Faces
Horse
Anthropomorphic
Funny
Aspect
Replies
Long
Humor
Troubled
Walks
Protected
Says
Aspects
Existence
Extent

More quotes by Bill Bailey

Image
I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
Bill Bailey
Image
So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
Bill Bailey
Image
This was my attempt to deter cold callers: There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone.
Bill Bailey
Image
This shed does not contain me.
Bill Bailey
Image
I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
Bill Bailey
Image
I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars... I'm not bitter at all.
Bill Bailey
Image
Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
Bill Bailey
Image
Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
Bill Bailey
Image
I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
Bill Bailey
Image
Work hard, save and live within your means.
Bill Bailey
Image
I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.
Bill Bailey
Image
Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
Bill Bailey
Image
The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don't have these.
Bill Bailey
Image
I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.
Bill Bailey
Image
Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently.
Bill Bailey
Image
Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
Bill Bailey
Image
How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!
Bill Bailey
Image
I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
Bill Bailey
Image
But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!
Bill Bailey
Image
Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
Bill Bailey