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Thank God for Darwin, eh?

Bill Bailey

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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Thank
Humor
Funny
Darwin

More quotes by Bill Bailey

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I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
Bill Bailey
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Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
Bill Bailey
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
Bill Bailey
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Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently.
Bill Bailey
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I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship.
Bill Bailey
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
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The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder.
Bill Bailey
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
Bill Bailey
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This shed does not contain me.
Bill Bailey
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time. I got into a theatre company and started doing stand-up gigs for cash, so I lived hand-to-mouth, but there was always enough to pay the bills.
Bill Bailey
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
Bill Bailey
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I got ham but I'm not a Hamster
Bill Bailey
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I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.
Bill Bailey
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Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.'
Bill Bailey
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Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.
Bill Bailey
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Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
Bill Bailey
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Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'
Bill Bailey
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
Bill Bailey
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I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it's a bit of a long shot.
Bill Bailey
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.'
Bill Bailey