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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
Bill Bailey
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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Door
Doors
Humor
Funny
Jobs
Ever
Toughest
Selling
More quotes by Bill Bailey
Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.'
Bill Bailey
People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
Bill Bailey
I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship.
Bill Bailey
Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
Bill Bailey
I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.
Bill Bailey
I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
Bill Bailey
A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says Why the long face?. The horse replies: I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.
Bill Bailey
Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
Bill Bailey
I think we've missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro... to catch whatever it is that's forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it's a bit of a long shot.
Bill Bailey
I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
Bill Bailey
So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
Bill Bailey
Work hard, save and live within your means.
Bill Bailey
Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
Bill Bailey
Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
Bill Bailey
I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'
Bill Bailey
I try to appreciate the simple things. I've just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
Bill Bailey
Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
Bill Bailey
I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars... I'm not bitter at all.
Bill Bailey
Thank God for Darwin, eh?
Bill Bailey
Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
Bill Bailey