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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.

Bill Bailey

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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Funny
Jobs
Ever
Toughest
Selling
Door
Doors
Humor

More quotes by Bill Bailey

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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
Bill Bailey
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People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
Bill Bailey
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Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
Bill Bailey
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I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
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That ideology was never going to work, was it? It was just cobbled together from different beliefs: The anti-intellectualism of the Khmer Rouge, the religious persecution of the Nazis, the enforced beard-wearing from the world of folk music, and the segregation and humiliation of women from the world of golf.
Bill Bailey
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I try to appreciate the simple things. I've just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
Bill Bailey
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
Bill Bailey
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I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.
Bill Bailey
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.'
Bill Bailey
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This was my attempt to deter cold callers: There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone.
Bill Bailey
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Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
Bill Bailey
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The scotch egg is such a Scottish food. It's as though a great Scottish chef said: I need a tasty snack. Let's take an egg... and wrap it in meat!! Makes it a bit harder.
Bill Bailey
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
Bill Bailey
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A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says Why the long face?. The horse replies: I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.
Bill Bailey
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Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
Bill Bailey
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'
Bill Bailey
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
Bill Bailey
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time. I got into a theatre company and started doing stand-up gigs for cash, so I lived hand-to-mouth, but there was always enough to pay the bills.
Bill Bailey
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I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars... I'm not bitter at all.
Bill Bailey
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
Bill Bailey