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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.

Bill Bailey

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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Existentialist
Based
Humor
Funny

More quotes by Bill Bailey

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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
Bill Bailey
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People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
Bill Bailey
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
Bill Bailey
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This was my attempt to deter cold callers: There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone.
Bill Bailey
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
Bill Bailey
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
Bill Bailey
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I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.'
Bill Bailey
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That ideology was never going to work, was it? It was just cobbled together from different beliefs: The anti-intellectualism of the Khmer Rouge, the religious persecution of the Nazis, the enforced beard-wearing from the world of folk music, and the segregation and humiliation of women from the world of golf.
Bill Bailey
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
Bill Bailey
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In Unity there is strength We can move mountains when we're united and enjoy life - Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
Bill Bailey
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I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
Bill Bailey
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I got ham but I'm not a Hamster
Bill Bailey
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
Bill Bailey
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don't have these.
Bill Bailey
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
Bill Bailey
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time. I got into a theatre company and started doing stand-up gigs for cash, so I lived hand-to-mouth, but there was always enough to pay the bills.
Bill Bailey
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
Bill Bailey
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Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
Bill Bailey
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'
Bill Bailey
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A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says Why the long face?. The horse replies: I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.
Bill Bailey