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I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.

Bill Bailey

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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Fish
Fishes
Nearly
Aren
Humor
Duck
Funny
Ducks
Vegetarian
Strict

More quotes by Bill Bailey

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People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'
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The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.
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Talking of white supremacist violent types, I was in America, recently.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says Why the long face?. The horse replies: I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.
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I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
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At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time. I got into a theatre company and started doing stand-up gigs for cash, so I lived hand-to-mouth, but there was always enough to pay the bills.
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This shed does not contain me.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
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I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
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This was my attempt to deter cold callers: There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone.
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Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
Bill Bailey
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Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'
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I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.
Bill Bailey
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Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
Bill Bailey
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So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
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