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I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.

Bill Bailey

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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Strict
Fish
Fishes
Nearly
Aren
Humor
Duck
Funny
Ducks
Vegetarian

More quotes by Bill Bailey

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But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!
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I try to appreciate the simple things. I've just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you're just doing the odd appearance, you don't know if it will carry on.
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Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all it's thermal and mechanical functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavors ultimately pointless. Just to put the gig in some sort of context.
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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God that was a good game.
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Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
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People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says Why the long face?. The horse replies: I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.
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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.
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The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.
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Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
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I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
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I got ham but I'm not a Hamster
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don't have these.
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Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying 'Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.'
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!
Bill Bailey