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I suppose you could be a member of a terrorist organization in a non-violent way, in the laundry or the catering department.

Bill Bailey

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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Violent
Organization
Members
Catering
Humor
Laundry
Funny
Member
Way
Department
Terrorist
Suppose

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This was my attempt to deter cold callers: There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone.
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Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
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The day after tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life - that way you've always got a couple of days in hand.
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I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
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I got ham but I'm not a Hamster
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But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!
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Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
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I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.
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Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don't have these.
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
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I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! ...no eight!
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Three blind mice walk into a pub. But they are unaware of their surroundings, so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.
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I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship.
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Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all it's thermal and mechanical functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavors ultimately pointless. Just to put the gig in some sort of context.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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