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I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!

Bill Bailey

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Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Humor
Lord
Funny
Snail
Dominion
Bows
Woods

More quotes by Bill Bailey

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This was my attempt to deter cold callers: There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone.
Bill Bailey
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But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!
Bill Bailey
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I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
Bill Bailey
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In Unity there is strength We can move mountains when we're united and enjoy life - Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
Bill Bailey
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
Bill Bailey
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I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
Bill Bailey
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I try to appreciate the simple things. I've just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
Bill Bailey
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I got ham but I'm not a Hamster
Bill Bailey
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I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'
Bill Bailey
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I spent money on a decent bike, a bit of kit for paddle boarding and I like bird watching so I bought a decent pair of binoculars but as far as bottles of Cristal champagne and Gucci loafers? No, blingy and showy stuff isn't me.
Bill Bailey
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
Bill Bailey
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People say 'Bill, are you an optimist?' And I say, 'I hope so.'
Bill Bailey
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
Bill Bailey
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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God that was a good game.
Bill Bailey
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Three women walk into a pub and say, `Hooray, we've colonised a male-dominated joke format'
Bill Bailey
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
Bill Bailey
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
Bill Bailey
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American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
Bill Bailey
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Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
Bill Bailey
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we're still alive, before we die.
Bill Bailey