Quote

I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!

Bill Bailey

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Bill Bailey
Age: 59
Born: 1965
Born: January 13
Comedian
Composer
Guitarist
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer-Songwriter
Stage Actor
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Bath
Somerset
Mark Bailey
Snail
Dominion
Bows
Woods
Humor
Lord
Funny

More quotes by Bill Bailey

Image
At college, I felt frustrated thinking three years was a long time and I just wanted a job but afterwards I was in employment the whole time. I got into a theatre company and started doing stand-up gigs for cash, so I lived hand-to-mouth, but there was always enough to pay the bills.
Bill Bailey
Image
American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.
Bill Bailey
Image
Relaxed Empiricism -- I only believe something to be true if someone I know quite well tells me if happened.
Bill Bailey
Image
Of course, uh, the universe is gradually slowing down and, uh, will eventually collapse inwardly on itself, according to the laws of entropy when all it's thermal and mechanical functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavors ultimately pointless. Just to put the gig in some sort of context.
Bill Bailey
Image
But our country's equivalent of gritty reality is more like Look out Sarge, he's got a shooter!
Bill Bailey
Image
I once punched a bloke in the face for saying 'Hawk the Slayer' was rubbish, when what I should have said 'Dad, you're wrong.'
Bill Bailey
Image
Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
Bill Bailey
Image
A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says Why the long face?. The horse replies: I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.
Bill Bailey
Image
I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say work, you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars... I'm not bitter at all.
Bill Bailey
Image
That ideology was never going to work, was it? It was just cobbled together from different beliefs: The anti-intellectualism of the Khmer Rouge, the religious persecution of the Nazis, the enforced beard-wearing from the world of folk music, and the segregation and humiliation of women from the world of golf.
Bill Bailey
Image
I'm English and as such I crave disappointment. That's why I buy Kinder Surprise.
Bill Bailey
Image
I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
Bill Bailey
Image
I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
Bill Bailey
Image
In Unity there is strength We can move mountains when we're united and enjoy life - Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
Bill Bailey
Image
Live comedy's a very reckless, foolhardy profession. You're only as good as your last gig so earnings fluctuate.
Bill Bailey
Image
The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don't have these.
Bill Bailey
Image
Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it's a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
Bill Bailey
Image
I tried to like it. For me, it was like being smacked around the head by a piece of IKEA furniture: it hurts, but you've got to admire the workmanship.
Bill Bailey
Image
I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God that was a good game.
Bill Bailey
Image
Contentment is knowing you're right. Happiness is knowing someone else is wrong.
Bill Bailey